I'm Scared

I really hope you don't mind if I post about this here. At least its health related...

So, as you probably all know, Ryan and I are trying to have a baby. I called them in July while I was in Minnesota because I hadn't had "chicky-time" in a while, and I was taking pregnancy test after pregnancy test and they were all coming back negative. So my doctor put me on Clomid, which is a mild fertility drug. You take it for five days, and then within 3 to 5 days (or something like that) you're supposed to ovulate.

I had an ultrasound yesterday to see if the Clomid was doing its job. And the good news is that it is working. I have a follicle on my left ovary (that is an egg that hasn't yet burst out of the ovary into the fallopian tuble), and several immature follicles on my right ovary, which won't do anything this month. I go back in on Thursday for another ultrasound to see if the follicle has burst and the egg has moved. If it hasn't, I need to take a hormone injection to make the follicle burst (eek!). I'm hoping that all we need to do is this Clomid stuff...I don't know how badly I really want a child if I have to do all of that stuff.

That's not all that my physician found on the ultrasound. The ultrasound showed some abnormalities in the lining of my uterus. He said it looked kind of like a little honeycomb, and it should be smooth. Dr. Etman didn't think it would affect a pregnancy implantation, but if I don't get pregnant within the next few months, I might have to have a D & C, where they go in anc clear out the lining of your uterus. For me, they would also do a biopsy of that tissue, because it may be precancerous polyps. Fortunately, Dr. Etman said that a pregnancy would probably help get rid of that lining problem all together.

But it scares me. My friend Farrah (you've probably heard me talk about her before--she taught second grade with me the past two years) had to have a hysterectomy earlier this year because of precancerous cells that showed up during a pap smear. And she's only a few years older than I am. Part of me says "out with you, uterus!" because it's caused me so much darn hurt over the course of my life. Another part of me says "NO!!!!!" because its part of what makes me me... At any rate, I'm a little scared. I'm going to try to stay busy over the next few days and hope for progress.

I know you're probably throwing up in your mouths a little bit thinking about reproductive issues, and I'm sorry. I needed to vent a little and I didn't want to post on my regular blog because I know my mom reads it and I don't want to freak her out. Not yet anyway.

I've been slacking the past few days. When my husband is off it's hard to get motivated to go to the gym. Shame on me! Right now, though, Stacy and Sarah...you've motivated me. I'm going to go get changed, go get my MP3 player out of the car, and go to the track, and do a little jogging of my own. Mostly walking. But hopefully a little jogging. I'll go lift later. It's legs day. I love legs day. Legs day makes me feel exceedingly powerful. Go Marce.

Sorry for the babble, but thanks for reading it and listening anyway, dear friends.